


Change

by Miracle720



Category: BnHA, Boku no Hero Academia, My Hero Academia, mha, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 11:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miracle720/pseuds/Miracle720
Summary: A short fic inspider by the song Changes by XXXTentacion! There are strong themes of a previously abusive relationship so you have been warned! Feedback/comments are greatly appreciated! Also check out my bnha hc request blog https://plusultranerd.tumblr.com/





	Change

Shinsou never liked him. In high school, he spent far too much time trying to convince himself that your new boyfriend didn’t bother him, that his heart didn’t crack just a little bit every time he watched his lips connect with your own. He never had a specific reason for not liking the idiot of a man, or rather he did and he just never admit it to himself, but his feelings against him never ceased, in fact they only got stronger as time went on. He was cocky and not all that smart, he showed you off like you were nothing but some pretty little trophy, and pretty you were, but you didn’t deserve to be put on display as if that were your sole redeeming quality.

Not only were you far too pretty for a guy like him to even be allowed within five feet of you, but you were so smart and kind, someone who could put a smile on anyone’s face. You were a shoulder to lean on for whoever needed it, and for a long time he felt it was the two of you against the world. However, It was in high school when he realized that you were his world,sure, but he wasn’t really yours. You had an endless list of friends, both close ones and those who might just be considered an acquaintance, and your sparkling smile that always made his heart melt seemed to have to same effect on just about everyone who met you. Despite all of that though, you never forgot him. You never left him behind and you always made time for him, in fact he was a priority in your life for a very long time, and sometimes, he hated it. He hated that someone like you felt the need to waste time on someone like him, but god did he crave that feeling of being loved that he felt during every moment he spent with you and no matter how many times he told himself he should just cut you off for your own good, he’d always find himself crawling back for more.

When you started dating, however, there wasn’t all that much ‘more’ he could crawl back to. You still spent time with him, as close childhood friends do, but he could feel the way you were slipping through the cracks of his fingers every time your meetups were cut short by your boyfriend beckoning you over to hang out with him and his useless friends. It hurt, fuck, did it hurt, yet every time you apologized for leaving him alone with that sad smile on your face he said nothing, he simply gave a smile of his own and told you it was ‘no big deal’. It was because of your smile that he spent all his time giving himself every excuse in the book for not liking your new lover, telling himself he just knew you deserved better or that the man just gave off bad vibes, but in reality, he was just jealous. He was jealous and tired and so damn I love with you that the idea of you being with anyone but himself made him sick to his stomach, but he never said a word.

He spent years sitting on the sidelines, still involved in your life but not in the way he wanted to be, just wishing and waiting for the day you saw what he saw and broke up with that asshole. But he knew, he knew he remained silent because in all honesty? He didn’t think he deserved you either. He had always felt that way, even before he knew how much he had hopelessly fallen for you, so in his eyes he never really did have a chance and the most he could to to quench that burning flame of passion and pain in his chest was always be there for you if you needed him and unfortunately, you needed him quite often.

It all started when he had decided to stop by your apartment one day with a bag full of your favorite fruits and veggies that he had picked up from the farmer’s market on his day off as he knocked on your door, hoping your boyfriend, no, now fiancé wasn’t home. It had taken you so long to get to the door that he thought maybe you weren’t home and he was about to just tie the bag to your door knob and leave, but before he could, the door knob moved and you opened the door. For a second, he didn’t even know what to say considering the obvious redness saturating your puffy eyes and your tear stained cheeks, but he couldn’t exactly say nothing so instead he tilted his head to see if your fiancé was anywhere in sight before speaking up.

“What happened?”

“Nothing, I..I didn’t know you were coming over, what’s up?” You said, trying your best to fake interest in why exactly he was here, though seeing you rubbing at your eyes while you spoke probably didn’t really help.

The fact that you had gotten to a point where you couldn’t tell him what was going on hurt, but he wasn’t about to give up that easily so he decided to try again with a question that was a bit more direct.

“Why were you crying?”

“I said nothing happened, Hitoshi.”

The sternness in your voice this time around made him realize he wasn’t going to get an answer, at least not now, so he bit his tongue and tried to conceal his worries and asked if he could come in instead. After a bit more questioning on why he was there, you eventually did let him in despite the elephant in the room. The two of you spent an hour or so chatting over soda and instant noodles, just like you used to when you were younger, and while he didn’t ask about your current state again, he was wary of your feelings and didn’t leave until he saw you smile and heard that laugh that still gave him butterflies. As he left, he had to convince himself not to try asking you one more time about what had happened to make you cry, but he just repeated to himself what he had been telling himself for years, that he’d simply be a shoulder for you to cry on if nothing else. So he left you be, hoping that this would be the last time he found you in such a way, but being prepared to help if it wasn’t.

For a while after that situation, he was getting more convinced that he had worried for nothing, thinking maybe he had just caught you at a bad time, because you seemed like yourself for a little bit, calling him up every few days to talk about whatever was on your mind and catch up on anything exciting that was going on in either of your lives. Because of this little routine, he didn’t think it was too strange when you had called him up at around two in the morning on day. When you were younger, you’d always text him whenever you had trouble sleeping and he just assumed that you had picked up that old habit again, but it only took seconds of him being on the phone with you to know you were crying. It was almost hard to hear what you were saying because your voice was wavering so much, but eventually you were able to audibly stutter out the question of if he’d be able to meet up with you for coffee at that little twenty-four hour cafe that was down the street from your apartment.

He, of course, said yes in a heartbeat and he was fully prepared to pull himself out of bed if it meant being able to help you out and maybe find out what was going on. It took him mere minutes to get ready and be out the door, the memory of your broken figure already weighing down on his worries. After all, the last time something had happened, you weren’t even willing to admit that you had been crying, but now you actually called him while you were crying, so whatever was going on must have gotten worse.

When he saw you seated in that corner booth that you always picked, his heart felt a bit heavier as he realized he was not liking this new trend of always seeing you with red eyes and a sniffly nose. He saw that you didn’t actually have anything other than a glass of water, so he took it upon himself to order a cup of coffee for both of you before finally seating himself across from you and asking the same question he had asked only a week prior.

“What happened?”

Seeing you tense up at his question made him nervous, he was nervous that something was going on that he should know about, yet he didn’t. You sat there for a moment in silent, fiddling with your engagement ring and staring at the table as if you were embarrassed before you finally let out a broken laugh before shaking your head.

“…I’m sorry I called you out here, it’s-“ You stopped and took a deep breath before clearing your throat and giving him a smile, one that you hoped was as convincing as the last one you had given him so he would let you handle your problems on your own. “I was toootally overreacting, you know how I get when it’s that time of the month.”

Of course it was your fault for calling him during that moment of weakness, but now that he was sitting here before you with that look on his face that looked just like any other to someone else, but obviously heald endless amounts of worry to you, you felt guilty and stupid. You were fine, so why waste his time? Unfortunately you didn’t see things the way he did, because while you thought you were wasting his time, he was left feeling like he just simply wasn’t enough. Each time you told him you were okay when you obviously weren’t, he felt like he was losing a little bit of the connection that was once strong enough for the two of you to tell one another anything and everything.

He wanted to ask again, he wanted to scream at you and beg you to tell him what was wrong so he could at least try to fix whatever was broken in some way. But then again, there was so much he wanted from you, and he was quick to file this under yet another thing that wasn’t his business. He wasn’t your mother, and he wasn’t your boyfriend, hell, lately it felt like you were hardly even friends anymore, so he had no right to act like any of those things. So again, he nodded and smiled, one that was surely just as fake as your own, before looking around the room and trying to find a way to change the subject.

“You know their coffee isn’t even that good, but we still always come here.” He said with a soft laugh, though he quickly shut up when he realized your server was on her way to your table as he didn’t want to offend any of the workers.

Hearing him say something so nonchalantly made you let out a sigh of relief because honestly, if he had asked again this time, you thought you might give in and tell him about your ‘problems’. You wasted no time in curling your hands around the warm mug that was placed in front of you before shaking your head and looking out the window that was off to your left.

“I think it could be worse. Better than the crap you always make.”

Shinsou actually had to laugh at that despite his worries for you still being very present in his thoughts. You were more than happy to hear that, you had forgotten how nice his laugh was and it was almost funny how a short little chuckle could fill you with a sense that everything would be okay. Just like that, it seemed the two of you had made a truce to not say how you were really feeling as you spent the rest of your time talking about the most random of things to keep your minds off of what was really going on. This time though, you stayed a bit past when you began to feel better, realizing it had been a while since the two of you actually got to just hang out with one another and remembering how much just an hour or two with him could brighten your day. When he had to leave, you almost wanted to ask him to stay, knowing that you’d be fine until you got home and had to face your ‘lover’ yet again, if he was even home, that is, but instead you just bid him farewell and trudged your way back home.

You were lucky, or maybe unlucky, to arrive home to an empty apartment, though as you got ready to finally get some sleep you tried your best to not think about what you would surely wake up to. It was sad how the idea of waking up to your own fiancé, smelling of alcohol with a neck riddled with love bites that weren’t from you, sounded worse than waking up alone, but it was simply something you had gotten used to and falling asleep was much better than staying up and thinking about it.

Slowly, things seemed to go back to normal after that, at least from Shinsou’s perspective. You didn’t really call as much, but you still texted him every day. He was still worried about you, though after a month or so of not hearing or seeing you crying, he started to believe that maybe it was ok to move on because his thoughts that this was somehow your fiancé’s fault were just caused by his jealousy rearing its ugly head, that was, until he actually saw you for the first time a few months later. You looked…tired, with bags under your eyes that seemed almost as permanent as his own. The two of you had just run into each other at the grocery store so he wasn’t expecting too much conversation, but you were still much more quiet than usual. Not only that, but your eyes were on your feet nearly the whole time, and when you did look up he was surprised to see you with a full face of immaculate makeup. It seemed that all at once, all of his fears that something wasn’t right came flooding back, but before he even had the chance to ask, you had excused yourself, saying your fiancé was probably waiting on dinner.

He didn’t know why, maybe it was because this time the two of you hadn’t seen each other for quite awhile or maybe it was because this was the most not you he’d ever seen you be, but this time, he didn’t let it go. He thought about it, but once he was in the safety of his own home he realized that he was tired too. Tired of lying to himself and going through life with you always on his mind, tired of loving you so wholeheartedly yet never saying so, and most of all, he was tired of the distance between the two of you growing more and more each time the two of you met. He feared that if he didn’t act now, then the next time he saw you might be a year from now, and then after that he might not see you ever again. You had changed and he wanted, no, he needed to know why. So this time, he tried. He tried calling you and texting you multiple times, asking everything he’d been wanting to ask for months. Asking if his suspicions of your fiancé hurting you in some way were true, asking why you had fallen so far away from each other, asking you to please just call him back.

But you didn’t. He spent days with his eyes on his phone at all times and when he wasn’t wasting time waiting for you to answer him, he was convincing himself to not go storming to your apartment and knocking until you just opened up to him. After a week, he felt hollow and lost. He felt like he did that first time he saw your eyelids flutter shut as you kissed that bastard like there was no tomorrow, except this time it somehow felt worse. On top of that, he felt pathetic for pining after you for so long. He should have cut you off when he first realized how terrible things were without you always by his side, maybe if he had done that, he would have been over you by now. The only difference between then and now was that back then, he was holding onto a shred of hope that maybe things would be different one day, but now all those hopes had all but died out. This time he was ready to let go, or at least as ready as he thought he’d ever be, but his resolve crumbled just like his heart had when he opened his door one day at some ungodly hour of the morning only to find you with tears and make up streaming down your face and a hastily packed bag barely hanging from your trembling fingers.

“(Name)?”

That was all it took.

That was all it took before your bag dropped to the ground with a dull ‘thud’ and you nearly collapsed against his chest, holding him as tightly as you could as if you too had feared you would somehow lose him. You had tried so hard to keep him out of it, you knew he didn’t deserve to be burdened by your problems, but this time you just couldn’t do it. You needed him, whether it was selfish or not.

“Hey..” He spoke awkwardly, but his tone was low and soothing as he gently wound his arms around you, partly afraid that if he did so he really would break you, but after a moment of just barely resting his arms around you to make sure you were okay with it he hugged you just as tightly as you were holding him, rubbing gentle circles against your back before resting his chin atop your head.

For a moment he was worried you might be embarrassed if someone were to see your intimate embrace in his doorway, but at the same time he’d rather just let you cry without worrying about anything on the outside world. So the two of you just stood there, neither of your grips on one another loosening in the slightest as you sobbed against his chest, your hands balling up bits of his sweater as you clung to him as if you needed his warmth and the sound of that rapid beating in his chest to live. Eventually you did calm down though, at least long enough to slowly pull yourself away from him before mumbling out an apology for ruining his sweater with tear and makeup stains, though to be honest that was the last of his worries.

Shinsou simply nodded and led you gently into his apartment, his hand never leaving your back as he quickly bent over to grab your bag before kicking his door shut and leading you to his couch, leaving only when he saw you were comfortably seated to get you a glass of water. He let you cry to yourself for a little while longer, providing you with a tissue box and a hand on your back that hopefully said ‘I’m here’ so he didn’t have to. You spent a whole half hour just crying in front of him, though when you seemed to have run out of tears to shed and you were left sniffling and rubbing at your eyes, he finally decided it was time to ask, just one more time.

“(Name), What happened?”

If you hadn’t wasted all your tears, that simple question would’ve caused you to break down all over again, but you couldn’t. You felt like a broken bottle that had spilled all of its contents and you were finally feeling so torn up on the inside that your worries that sharing your issues would be seen as selfish were silenced.

“I don’t…I don’t really know where to start..” You began, hating how pathetic you sounded with your nose all plugged up. “He’s not…how he used to be.”

The moment he heard those words, Shinsou was absolutely prepared to find that sick fuck who would even dare to make you feel such a way and beat the living daylights out of him because that bastard wasn’t worth him wasting his quirk on. Despite his now boiling blood, he couldn’t just leave you when you needed him the most, so instead he clenched his fists and held himself back, saving all those nasty ways he could think of to describe your fiancé for later.

“If he hurt you we can-“

“He didn’t hurt me, not physically.” You cut him off, knowing well from the way his jaw set that he was very close to doing something very irrational. Luckily your words seemed to settle him down somewhat, at least enough for you to continue.

“He makes me feel so worthless..” You began again, this time having an idea for what you wanted to say. “He just…he goes out you know, with his friends, and he drinks and god knows how many women he’s been with…but it’s..somehow always my fault.”

You saw him move to open his mouth, but you continued on anyways, just wanting to get it all out there.

“ ‘If you were prettier I wouldn’t have to do this’.” You spoke, making a sad imitation of your fiancé. “ ‘If you actually knew how to fuck then I’d be with you, if you didn’t cry like a bitch every time I just tell you the truth, then I wouldn’t-“ You stopped, your words getting stuck in your throat and forming a lump that you knew you’d have to swallow down if you wanted to continue.

“But I tried to be prettier,” You laughed, it was a broken one, but a laugh nonetheless as you wiped at the makeup on your face as if to prove a point. “And I tried to be smarter and I tried to be stronger, but it didn’t work..”

“It seems that he only talks to me now when he’s insulting me and he always..He always says I won’t leave him because no one else would take a ‘worthless cunt’ like me, and I..” You stopped and cleared your throat, realizing that you really hadn’t run out of tears as your eyes became blurry with them before you continued. “Well he’s..very convincing…”

By the time you finished, you were sobbing again, but this time Shinsou was…frozen. He was feeling so many things all at once and it appeared that neither his heart nor his brain could process it. He was angry for one, angry at himself for letting this go on for so long and never getting the courage to just push you until you admit what was wrong and also generally angry at your sad fucking excuse for a boyfriend. He couldn’t process how someone could say such horrible things to a person who was so perfect it was almost painful. He also just felt sad, he felt sad that someone who was such a strong, incredible woman was led to believe she was so much less than what she really was. It broke his heart because he knew there was no simple fix to this, god knows how long this had been going on, but he’d be fucking damned if he didn’t try.

“You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for.” He muttered, his grip on your shoulder falling as he clasped his hands together and stared at them in thought. “He shouldn’t…He doesn’t have the right to feed you lies like that. You’re basically the strongest woman I’ve ever known, so you aren’t weak in any sense of the word.”

He trailed off, trying to put his thoughts together, but he just couldn’t. He had so many things he wanted to say to you and he just couldn’t figure out where to start.

“And you’re more than ‘pretty enough’, he’s a fucking idiot if he’s honestly wasting his time on some other women when he has you right in front of them, I’d-“

He stopped, thinking to himself what he almost spoke aloud.

‘I’d kill to have that opportunity.’

“Never mind, the point is, that’s not even the best part about you. Fuck, you’re just…you’re so kind, you’re kind to anyone who needs it and that’s something that not many people have to offer these days. And you’re funny too, you never fail to put a smile on people’s faces or just…make their days better.”

“But you can’t- I mean if you want to you can but I…I’d hate to see you change when you’re already perfect as is. And that asshole is going to regret not being able to see that.”

When he was finished, he realized he hadn’t looked up from his hands throughout his whole little speech, his self conscious fearing your reaction, but when he heard you laughing, he quickly whipped his head up to make sure you were okay, and oddly enough you were…smiling.

“..Thanks, Hitoshi.” You said, before bursting out into laughter. Part of it was because of that confused look on his face, and the other part of it was because you just couldn’t believe how much of a mess you had become. You’d become such a mess, yet strangely enough here he was, treating you like some sort of goddess. So you laughed, you laughed until those trails of laughter turned into heavy sobbing and you were curled up against his chest again, gripping his sweater for dear life.

Shinsou didn’t quite..understand your strange reaction, but he held you in his arms anyways, leaning back into the arm of the couch so you could be a bit more comfortable laying down. His heart was racing like mad, but that didn’t stop him from running his fingers through your hair until your sobs slowed to quiet crying before silencing all together. He wrapped his arms around you as tightly as he could without making you uncomfortable, his thumb slowly running up and down your arm in a soothing rhythm, one that was soothing enough to put you right to sleep, your crying and overflow of emotions having drained a lot of your energy. Even after he realized you were sleeping though, he didn’t let go and he didn’t dare to move an inch as he stared up at his ceiling praying you’d feel a little better once you woke up. Things hadn’t been too great for either of you and he could only hope that maybe this time things really would change, but for what seemed like the first time in a long time for both of you, they’d be changing for the better.


End file.
